I’m Going Slightly Mad

29 May

adult1 adult2

So…for the past year I’ve been learning a trade so I can write more and smell like pizza and kid farts less. At this “institution”…which it totally felt like that to me when my time was coming to an end….I got a greater realization that 18-22 yr olds are not adults. I know society thinks they are, but this is not 1943, none of them are running farms or going off to war…they can barely wipe their asses.

crazy mo fo

While being surrounded by these people for 45 hrs a week, I started to think I lost my ability to be funny. Maybe I was exhausted from all the school plus work? Yes… but no, that wasn’t it. Then I thought I must be going crazy instead because I didn’t/couldn’t believe that people like this actually existed and had not gotten themselves killed yet.  I already told you there is a person I have met, in real life, that can NOT read a clock. So, clearly, I’m not insane because that  person shouldn’t exist.

iamcalm

There are people don’t know who American treasure, Tom Hanks, is. I have met people who have never seen Hocus Pocus or Back to the Future.  Do people hate their children? Does no one watch TV, because BTTF (as the cool kids call it) is almost always on TNT every weekend? God damn it! What else could be on TV that is better than some young, fine, Calvin Klein MJ Fox? Come on! Also this generation thinks Anne Bancroft is “thick.” If that is true, I must be an elephant in their stupid, young, eyes.

ihatepeople

I also think there is a major problem with the way girls and guys speak to each other in their early twenties. There was a girl in class telling me about this guy that she started dating, maybe a week prior to this conversation. She was already talking about marrying him, he got a tattoo of her on his back…oh yeah, this is real life. She said he was so nice to her and she had me read one of his texts where he said he was glad they “smashed guts” last night.

ugh

………………..”Smashing guts” is what guys are calling sex now. I’ll let you think about that for a minute.

 

I’ll say what everyone is thinking, we need a draft. These assholes need to go. Soon.

 

*Yes, they broke up after 3 weeks. Thank God he’s got that tattoo, right?

fuck nuts

Roger teaches English at this “institution.” He informed me that his students had no idea there were beaches in Orange County. (Yes, they were all raised here.) And one person wrote in an essay, which was turned in for a GRADE, stating that MLK Jr. freed the slaves.  These numb nuts have phones, which they are on CONSTANTLY which can access GOOGLE and look up who freed the slaves. Instead they literally pull shit out of their asses and smear it across a paper and expect an A. Psychos.

selfie And lastly, the amount of selfies I witnessed on a daily basis was staggering. If you watch someone take a selfie, they look like an insane person. Why are you suddenly happy? Duck lips aren’t sexy, it looks like you’re making an “oops, I farted” face. And maybe you did.  I can’t comprehend why these girls think they look so great that they need to document how they look EVERY DAY. Especially when we wear uniforms and look the same EVERYDAY!

 

So, basically, I thought I was going slightly mad, but in reality, I’m just mad.

 

3 Responses to “I’m Going Slightly Mad”

  1. Maybelline May 29, 2014 at 3:36 PM #

    That selfie image looks like Orson Bean. (Don’t know him? Look him up.)

  2. Duane Waite May 30, 2014 at 8:22 AM #

    I think it’s a sign of cultural maturity that the actors on Big Bang Theory (as delightful as that show is) are the same age Chuck Connors was when he was blasting away armed outlaws and keeping the peace on The Rifleman. No one was going to mistake him as a thirty-something boy/man trying to find his place in the world.

    Even the characters on Hogan’s Heroes would never be mistaken for anything but fully formed adults.

  3. Duane Waite May 30, 2014 at 8:22 AM #

    (I think I meant cultural IMmaturity….)

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