I Hate Hippies

5 Aug

hippie3 

So…my boyfriend took the Bar last week and requested that I cook him dinners. He said that all the other guys’ girlfriends cooked for them during the Bar. After going to a “grocery store” in LA, I call bullshit.

I went to a Whole Foods. For those of you who don’t know what this place is, its what people in LA think a grocery store is….except it’s not a grocery store. Well, if you don’t cook or eat, then it TOTALLY is a grocery store.

They didn’t have any aluminum pans and no Pyrex casserole dishes. Instead, they sell vinyl records and have a DJ who plays them. There’s plenty of yoga mats and maxi dresses, as well as hand made, organic soaps. The medicine isle was full of people on their phones looking up what the hell naturalistic, holistic, horse crap was in the bottle…the answer is always NyQuil dummies!   

What really set me over the edge was when I looked for a potato peeler. I got the potato masher I was looking for…$12 later!!! I couldn’t see a peeler, so I asked. The worker said it was over where I had been. Dude, it’s not. By that point I was pissed off enough to look at every price label to see if they EVER carried a peeler. NO, they did not.  

hippies

Also, for those of you who don’t live in LA, you have to bring your own grocery bags to the store with you OR ELSE pay for them. As I left, there were two people in yellow vests. I figured, this must be like Costco and they want to check my receipt. I stopped to pull it out of my purse when I heard one of them say, ” I’m from Amnesty International and would like to talk to you about women’s rights.” SERIOUSLY? I said no thanks and got the hell out of there.

budder

I understand eating healthy, but this place and the people who go there frequently are nut jobs. It’s like the emperor has no clothes up in there. ‘We’re cooking healthy, but we don’t really know how to cook. As long as it tastes like hell, it must be good for me.’ I’d rather eat something yummy and enjoy my life, than eat “raw food” and shit my brains out 3 times a day because of all the fiber I’m cramming down my kale hole. 

Going back to what my boyfriend said about all the other guys’ girlfriends cooking for them. How could they if they can’t even buy a freakin’ potato peeler?!? Here’s some of the awesome, none kale dishes I made. I am awesome, suck it hippies: pork chops, spaghetti, salad, apple cobbler, garlic knots, BBQ chicken,cornbread, twice baked loaded potatoes, lamb chops, monkey bread. 

9 Responses to “I Hate Hippies”

  1. Amanda August 6, 2014 at 6:42 PM #

    Whole foods is the absolute worst. Did you also notice you can’t walk all the way down a single aisle? There is always someone RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE just staring at the shelves and they never move out of the way.. they even get offended when you say, “Excuse me”… I haven’t gone back.

    In other news, the food you cooked sounds yummyyyy! You would fit right into the Taylor household :)

    • Lauren Semar August 6, 2014 at 6:52 PM #

      DUDE!! Thank you, that place is Satan’s butthole. I miss you!! Let me know all the details of your impending nuptials <3

  2. scott August 7, 2014 at 3:42 PM #

    G.G. used a small knife to peel potatoes. Dad

    • Lauren Semar August 7, 2014 at 6:20 PM #

      Ok but this isn’t the great Depression. It’s Beverly Hills

      • scott August 7, 2014 at 10:23 PM #

        How about using red potatoes and mashing with the skins on. Improvise, adapt, and overcome.

      • Lauren Semar August 7, 2014 at 10:26 PM #

        I did that. I needed the peeler for NOT potatoes. That’s not the point! The point is, grocery stores should carry potatoe peelers!

  3. scott August 8, 2014 at 8:14 AM #

    Chefs Catalogue on line, Williams-Sonoma, Smart & Final, Sur la Table, restaurant supply houses, Macys, Penny’s, Target, Costco, Sam’s Club, Wal-Mart.
    Most of any utensil in a grocery store is low quality. Might as well burn the money, as it will not last long.
    Also, you can use a knife or spoon to scrape the outer skin off most veggies.

  4. Maybelline August 8, 2014 at 1:31 PM #

    Who’s this jerk giving you potato peeler advice?
    So many people are easily manipulated by marketing.

    • Lauren Semar August 8, 2014 at 1:33 PM #

      No kidding!! He sounds like a hippie. Lay off the doobie, hippie! Also, I’ve had the same potato peeler since college.

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