Isn’t It Romantic? Well, isn’t it?!

9 Feb

So… I watched Julie and Julia today with my friend Eddie (no, of course not straight!). We both noticed that Julia Child really had a thing for Valentine’s Day. Eddie sincerely hates that “holiday.” Surprisingly, I do not hate Valentine’s Day. I really like hearts, mixtures of pink and red and I really like candy. (I’m pretty sure I’m the only person under 50 that LOVES conversation hearts.) When I was a kid I always enjoyed picking out the Valentine’s Day cards we passed out to classmates(the coolest ones I ever passed out were Clarissa Explains It All), plus all the super fun, cutesy Valentine’s Day crafts we made leading up to the party.

I suppose what I really enjoyed, without knowing it, was that EVERYONE was included and got to celebrate and have fun. Like everything in childhood, enjoy it while you can! Unless you are a second grade teacher, it’s not like that as an adult. It’s a very exclusive celebration and not everyone gets a My Little Pony card in the heart shaped envelope on the back of their desks. Not everyone likes you, and even more specifically, like that.

I’ve been bombarded with emails from Robbins Bros. about “planning the perfect Valentine’s proposal,” ads reminded guys to buy Russell Stover candies(DO NOT buy those guys, you’re girlfriend will know you put ZERO thought into it and just ran into a Rite Aid. Not even a real gift and they taste like crap.)and my least favorite “how to make sure you get some this Valentine’s Day” from Spike TV. (Rule #1, don’t do anything on that list because it’s made by douchebags who clearly don’t have girlfriends.)

I can ignore the ads. What I can’t ignore are the stupid turds I serve every year on that day that say, “Oh, what are you doing for today?” Well genius, it’s 7PM, I’m at WORK, so clearly, I have no romantic plans. Since I can’t say that, I just say nothing, which is almost worse because I then get the, “AWWW, why not?! You’re so pretty.” Thanks for further insulting me today, I’m lonely and attractive so something must be the matter with me. Do I have smelly feet? Am I a nun? (No and no) That is the one day I wish I could go to work and be invisible for the day. I can’t pretend to be happy for the girls at work who get stuff from their boyfriends or the people I’m serving on dates. I can’t be happy because I think, “Hey, why you? What’s so great about you that you get all this cool stuff and I get nothing?” It’s like Rudolph having to watch all the other reindeer play and not get to join in, even though he’s just as good (and as we find out BETTER) than they are.

Most guys hate the holiday. I love when I hear, “Valentine’s Day is a stupid made up holiday, guys should be romantic everyday.” You right they should.  But since that doesn’t happen, guys don’t get laid everyday of the year and we have this holiday for slackers. Look at it as extra credit dummies.

Hopefully all the crappy Valentine’s Days I’ve had plus all the lonely Valentine’s Days will equal at least one awesome Valentine’s Day in the future where I can finally be part of all the reindeer games…how, uncharacteristically optimistic of me.

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3 Responses to “Isn’t It Romantic? Well, isn’t it?!”

  1. MAYBELLINE February 10, 2010 at 4:18 AM #

    >Seems to me that you and Eddie need a cookie. Please read my most recent post in honor of the two of you.XOX

  2. L February 10, 2010 at 6:39 AM #

    >What is this, a new book? 'If you give a queer a cookie.."

  3. MAYBELLINE February 11, 2010 at 3:08 PM #

    >…he will eat it?

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