America, Brought To You By Hot Pockets

11 Feb
Official Uniform of the United State Congress
So…The Supreme Court recently shot down a ban that aimed to keep corporations from funding politicians. This was done because the corporations weren’t getting the freedom of speech they are entitled to. (Forgive me if I don’t have the correct amount of sympathy for these multimillionaires.)
Stephen Colbert CALLED IT two years ago when he ran for President and was sponsored by Doritos. Having the Senator of New Jersey be brought to me by Ed Hardy would be hilarious(and super douchey!), we already know Illinois has been brought to us by the Mob for years. Sadly, this can not all be one fabulous SNL skit, it actually is a bad idea.
The problem for me comes with the the BIG  BAD corporations, like, oil companies, fast food, and medical/insurance corporations.
1: I want my flying car!!!!!!
Seriously, it’s 2010. I was PROMISED this by pop culture as long as I’ve been alive. I was born in 1985, THE pinnacle year for flying cars…Back To The Future, this is some serious sh!t Marty! I blame the oil companies. They screwed the trolley system over in LA, they’re screwing me out of my flying car, I hate them. Now with this wonderful new ruling I’ll never get my super sick Jetson car, I’ll have to keep pumping dead dinos into my car forever. Sorry Dino.
2. Un-Happy Meal
Do NOT get me wrong, I enjoy me some french fries. But, it is cheaper to buy a hamburger ($1) than it is to make a salad at home($7-$25)THAT IS CRAZY!!!!! You are setting poor people up for massive failure and aneurysms. Is it a conspiracy between fast food and the insurance companies? Maybe. We are never going to be any healthier if good food doesn’t go down in price so everyone can buy it. But since the Colonel has more money to push his weight around in Congress (pun intended) than Ol’ Farmer McGregor, we’re probably going to stay super fat. Thanks Ronald, your Happy Meal toys always sucked by the way!
3. Don’t mind my cough, here’s your dinner sir.
Alright, I’m a college graduate with a job and NO benefits. Livin’ the American Dream baby! Health insurance is too expensive for me to buy because I’m not a hypochondriac so I won’t use it enough to have the cost make sense to me. The last time I went to the doctor was 2 years ago. I’m sure I should have gone last year when I had a really bad cough, but I just let it play out over the next 4 months until it just went away, cheaper that way. Paying out of pocket for one visit is insane so if I ever have something bad happen to me I get to go to the Clinico Medico. That thought alone makes me want to sit on a knife! With these new sponsors I’m not going to have health care for a while so I guess I’d better learn to say, “It hurts here” en espanol because this is America and I can’t go to English speaking doctor since heath insurance is so grossly over priced.
There are more sectors that will be negatively impacted but those are the ones that really upset me. It is a funny topic but clearly Washington is just blatantly grabbing cash and not doing what the people need…not that they weren’t doing that before, it’s just they are openly whoring themselves out. It’s like they moved to Nevada and went to work at the Bunny Ranch to “put themselves through college.” Stay classy America and remember to wear protection because you probably can’t afford insurance.
Ricky Bobby’s Prayer, Brought To You By Powerade.

4 Responses to “America, Brought To You By Hot Pockets”

  1. MAYBELLINE February 11, 2010 at 3:13 PM #

    >Wow this is all over the place. I see a hint of liberal thinking. I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.PS don't be too hard on the oil companies.

  2. L February 11, 2010 at 6:40 PM #

    >I can't believe you of all people wouldn't be mad about not having a flying car. Yes it is all over the place, but that's ok.

  3. MAYBELLINE February 12, 2010 at 3:18 AM #

    >The deal with flying cars is that you want to be the only one with one. Otherwise, all the traffic is up in the air. Rather than bash the oil companies, let's encourage the Doc Brown's out there. I wanna burn my garbage and fly through time!I would also like a jet pack with some Tang and Space Sticks. (Look that up! Bang!)Alright, here's my solution for health insurance. It's logical and makes sense – therefore politicians can't grasp it. I know you can. Medical insurance should be sold just like your car insurance, renter's insurance, life insurance, travel insurance, etc. Go shopping with the Progressive gal or the Geico gecko and purchase whatever you can afford &/or need. Discounts for being healthy just like discounts for being a good driver are awarded. Furthermore, this insurance isn't mandatory. If you want to pay for any treatment out of pocket, you have the FREEDOM to do it. And, the insurance companies can sell anywhere they want. Certainly, there are those that are destitute but that is a very small percentage that would be taken up as charity cases.I'm glad you have this blog to vent your ideas. Your new page is great. The icon with the red headed Archie character (who IS that?) is perfect.

  4. L February 12, 2010 at 7:45 AM #

    >That is Cheryl Blossom. I'm sure you can find some of those old comics in my night stand.And yes, if health care cost me as much or less than my car insurance, I'd be all about it.

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