Trannies and Twinks and Bears! OH MY!

21 Feb
Tranny Hot Mess
So…last Monday night I went to WeHo (West Hollywood) with my friend Eddie. Although I am a fag hag I have never been to the gay Mecca, shame on me. It was filled with all sorts of gay magic!
For those of you who don’t know where WeHo is, it’s located on Santa Monica Blvd. and the super gay section is about 2 blocks long.
As soon as we parked the car I heard, in that unmistakable gay accent, “HEYYY GUUURRRRLLL!!!”  This little black twink is clearly drunk and just yelling this as he walks. Well, us not being drunk, caught up to him. He whipped around as soon as I was 6 feet behind him and said, ” HEY GUURRRLLL, where are you going? You look fierccccce! We’re going to whatever club you’re going to!” Then grabbed my arm. Since I didn’t know where we were going to, I told his drunkenness that I’d meet up with him later…whatever, it worked.
We walked past all the glittery, pink lighted techno blaring clubs to what looked like a dive bar. There were only 6 people in there and the bar tender was in plaid, very un-gay. But, he was gay, how do I know? He asked me for my ID and I pulled it out from my bra and he said, “Oh, what a safe spot.” “Well, yea, I don’t have to worry about anyone grabbin’ my ta-tas here.” Then he giggle like a little girl. I went to the bathroom and while returning one queen told me my makeup look “ah-mazing.”
On to Micky’s, where they were having a viewing party for Ru-Paul’s Drag Race (it’s a TV show on VH1 and LOGO) with two of the real contestants from the show there. AWESOME, quality drag queens my first time out!! One of the “girls” was dressed as David Bowie from Labyrinth, spot on!
Let’s Dance!
The next one up was Lady Gaga. I feel like that is a fairly easy person to be because 1: she already looks like a drag queen and 2: no one really knows what she looks like so it’s kind of cheating!
Another girl was dressed up Donna Summers-esque and got all diva-y and ripped off her wig and sassed it up! I didn’t get a photo of her for fear of getting slapped! Eddie ended up knowing one of the girls, her name was Ursula…because that’s what she looked like. I didn’t get a photo but I made an impression on her because Eddie saw her the next night and she asked for me…maybe she wants my voice!!!
Poor Unfortunate Soul
Side note: I got a drink from the bar and let me just say, one of the BEST bars ever. Why is that you ask?
Because THAT is what the bartenders look like! OH YEA! That dude was my bartender. Neither Eddie nor I could figure out if he was gay or straight but since I think he’s cute, I’m going with gay based on my own personal history of being attracted to gay dudes.
After the drag show was done the dancing began. We were on the edge of the dance floor and hand to God, it was like freaking West Side Story at every turn. Dancing gangs came to the floor like gay flocks of geese, all V-ed out in groups of threes. There were walk offs, very serious and Clydesdale like and crazy drag queens dancing alone while watching themselves in the mirror…while I looked at their facial hair! AHHH!!!
We walked down to The Abbey and this little Hispanic guy stopped us and said ” O. M. G. Your hair is FABULOUS. And I’m a hair stylist.” Thank you, so you’re compliment has more value because of your profession or something? Thanks. While on our walk we were followed by a homeless black lady in a wheelchair. She really scared me but called us both girls.
FIERCE at The Abbey
The Abbey wasn’t really poppin’ but we stayed long enough to get away from crazy wheels. We went to Ripples where there were men dancing in underwear on the bar and fat straight girls slapping one of their butt’s. Yikes, never let me be that girl! So we ended up going back to my apartment and Eddie fell asleep on my couch and I slept super hard! Overall it was a really fun and interesting night.

2 Responses to “Trannies and Twinks and Bears! OH MY!”

  1. MAYBELLINE February 21, 2010 at 7:09 PM #

    >Since gaydar does not work properly while in the city limits of Sodom, I'm here to tell you that Popeye is gay. What a sad waste of maleness.

  2. L February 21, 2010 at 10:01 PM #

    >Well my gaydar is permanently busted! He was really hot though. Too bad.

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