Don’t Send A Boy To Do A Man’s Job

16 May
So…I’m going to start this off by saying my Mother is not going to like reading any of this. Sorry.
Last week in my writing class one of my friends asked if I’m a “gold digger” because of the age of some of the guys I’ve dated. Unfortunately, I am not. I’ve also been accused of being very high maintenance. Really? I have never asked a guy for anything I couldn’t get for myself. That accusation was made by all the younger guys I’ve dated. I don’t think that paying for my meal on a date is really that high maintenance…and neither do older dudes!
I do understand why my girlfriends (and my Mom) think it is weird that I like the older man. For me, teaching a 20 something about manners, movies, music, literature and basic hygiene is not fun anymore. (Is needing all of those things in a man considered high maintenance?) I’ve done it more than once and the novelty is gone. “Oh but there are boys your age that like the same things as you.” Oh yea? I just spent almost a grand at a film festival for “people like me” and I will tell you, no there are not. But there are a lot of 40 and 50 year olds that do! I would rather learn something from someone than have to consistently tell someone what old movie ‘Family Guy’ is referencing and why it’s funny. Older men have better taste in most things and, like me, enjoy napping. And, older guys like imparting their wisdom/advice, it makes them feel important. When a 24 year old tries to do that, it’s a freakin’ joke.
I went out for my friend Heather’s birthday last night and a guy there was asking me what kind of guys I’m into because I was not into the douchebaggery that was at this bar. (Please note that his girlfriend was with him so I think it was just conversation.) I told him older men and he said, “Oh, like Tom Selleck.” Then I threw up in my mouth.
Not because I think Tom Selleck is gross, I think he’s gross because my Mom thinks he’s super hot, so that’s NOT hot.
Stop looking at me Tom, you’re not my kind of hairy.
Alright. Now everyone’s uncomfortable, except for me!
I found a very good theme song for this post, sung by a Mr. Tom Jones. I was never into him, mostly because he was like the Patron Saint of Carlton from ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air,’ so I thought he was kinda geeky. I was wrong. He was sort of hot back in the day and his voice is all gravely, just how I like it.
 Awwww yeah!
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9 Responses to “Don’t Send A Boy To Do A Man’s Job”

  1. Michael May 16, 2010 at 9:46 AM #

    >I don't even know where to start. I applaud you on your honesty. Admitting you HAVE a problem is traditionally the first step to recovery.Where do you thrown down vis-a-vis David Hasselhoff?Or do you not know who that is? (YEAH- j/k)Holy-Schmoly. You're worth so much more than onion soup…..

  2. Mickey "The Ice Pick" Asaro May 16, 2010 at 10:00 AM #

    >AND you are three-times as intelligent and interesting to converse with than are many women twice your age. You don't HAVE to post that, but it's just as true as what de udder guy said.

  3. MAYBELLINE May 16, 2010 at 4:35 PM #

    >This is a crazy coincidence.Last night as I was watching old man Baldwin I thought to myself "…and she thinks Tom is old!"!Both Toms were/are manly men.Now, let's discuss that term throwing up in your mouth. I've heard it a lot recently. What the heck?!

  4. L May 16, 2010 at 8:11 PM #

    >I don't know about that phrase but it sounded right. Where else are you going to throw up out of? Your elbow?

  5. Michael May 16, 2010 at 9:59 PM #

    >As originally stated by Cameron Diaz in "Something about Mary." In response to being hit on by a creepster, she responds: "I just threw up in a mouth a little."The kids just love this phrase!

  6. Michael May 17, 2010 at 5:53 AM #

    >You know, I WANT to dis on Tom Jones, the same way I did in, say, 1985, BUT:Clearly, the dude is onto something.

  7. MAYBELLINE May 17, 2010 at 1:12 PM #

    >Oh Michael, Michael, Michael. Tom Jones has been onto something for a long, long time.

  8. Michael May 18, 2010 at 7:00 AM #

    >Yeah… I'm starting to realize that. Wow.

  9. Michael June 22, 2010 at 2:32 PM #

    >I like this one much better than the current blog… Are you gonna write one about roommate etiquette?

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