The Whore Truth and Nothing But

12 Aug
Sing me a sweet song of justice Jerry Orbach.
So…today I got to let my eyebrows do their best Jack McCoy because I was in court. Oh yea, it was a blasty blast. I was suing my crazy ex-roommate. Before the proceedings begin you are suppose to show the other side your evidence. I walked into the hall to do this and she walked up to the bailiff and told him she just can’t talk to me because we don’t get along. He said, “No one here gets along, that’s why you’re here, you have to do this.” Thank God, one logical person.
She sent her weirdo boyfriend over to give me her evidence, which read more like a work of fiction. I was shocked at how many lies could fit onto one piece of paper. It was like the owl from the Tootsie Pop commercials. One lie. Ta-hoo hoo….crunch!! Yes the center is full of chewy craziness. I went up to tell her about one more piece of truth that I had in my stack and she would not even look at me. What a mature adult, right? So I told Von Doucherton what I needed to say, it was nothing vicious at all,and she quickly whizzed around the corner and came back all teary eyed. What. The. Hell.
COO COO!
Of course my case was not the first one called. The majority of the cases were by Mexicans who needed translators and all had beefs with their mechanics. Note to self: no Mexican mechanics, yikes! As this is going on my gut to churning up a storm and all I’m thinking is, ‘ Please God do not let me unleash this unruly beast when I go up to present.’ I didn’t, thankfully.
I had to speak first and I kept it brief and truthful. Then it was crazy’s turn and here comes all the Jerry Springer-esque business that had nothing to do with the case and a bunch of fakakta lies. If she were to look over to see my reaction, it was a whole lot of THIS:
Bitch, please.
I did get to call her out on her lies in the court, which was nice. The judge, unfortunately didn’t make a decision this afternoon, he would mail the decision to me in a few days. I left feeling a little disappointed and shocked at her total disregard to the whole you have to tell the truth in court thing. I just hope this doesn’t end like some of the Law and Orders do. You know the ones, where you know Jack McCoy is going to put the murderer away but he gets off anyways then kills a room full of babies.
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6 Responses to “The Whore Truth and Nothing But”

  1. MAYBELLINE August 12, 2010 at 1:05 PM #

    >Your eyebrows are fine.The devil at the other end of the table wouldn't even talk to you. Keep watching the headlines to read about the day of her exorcism. Please use all the writing material she gifted you with before your memory fades with time.Darling, if you're reading this I leave you with this bumper sticker:"Karma's a bitch".

  2. Sadako August 12, 2010 at 9:14 PM #

    >Yikes, sounds insane.Thanks for posting Jerry Orbach in Chicago, though. LOVE that musical!

  3. MAYBELLINE August 13, 2010 at 2:26 PM #

    >And now you're on the Sassy Curmudgeon!Excellent.

  4. Lo August 13, 2010 at 8:50 PM #

    >Welcome, my dear….you are brilliant, witty and just plain wonderful……thanks for just being.And thanks for Jerry Orbach and Chicago….I am crazy about both of them. Hmmmm….. You have good taste too.Needless to say…..I'll be back.

  5. L August 14, 2010 at 8:18 AM #

    >Lo, you are super awesome and I will be following your blog!!

  6. Googlover/keishua August 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM #

    >Your ex-roommate sounds horrid. I'm loved your letter to her over at the SC.

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