Circle Gets My Sqaure

23 Aug
“Muwwhahahaa, I am far more fabulous than you Marie!!”
So…am I the gay man’s only answer for procreation since Liza Minnelli, Cher, Bette Midler and Babs’ lady bits are all dried up and covered with cob webs?
I was at work today and my first table was a gay couple. I knew they were in love with me from the start. “O.M.G. We were just commenting on how your earrings go perfectly with your hair and your flawless skin.” Thank you for noticing queens. I actually told them, “Oh well I’ve got to do something since I’m pale and in California.” And pointed to my hair. Apparently that was hi-larious to them and they were eating out of my hands from then on. They said they wished I would have their kids.
To anyone else, that would be a shocking statement. Not to this moi. That’s the THIRD time that’s happened, at work. I’ve gotten it multiple times in my private life. The best one at work was a gay that said, “Have my baby!! I want it to be just as ssss-assy as you!” To which I responded, “You can’t breed this!”
I don’t mind it when gay men lust after my fantastic genetics and uterus. I can’t blame them since I love all the things old gay men love. One of my friends in my comedy writing class told me I was like Nathan Lane with tits. If I’m going to be compared to some old queen it better be someone better than Nathan Lane, someone with taste and wit and the right amount of bitchiness. Someone like, Paul Lynde.
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
(Don’t know who he was? Yes you do. He was the center square in the original ‘Hollywood Squares’ Show, the dad from ‘Bye, Bye Birdie’, the voice of Tempelton the Rat in ‘Charlotte’s Web’ and most famously, Uncle Arthur on ‘Bewitched.’ (For those of you who saw the movie version of Bewitched, Steve Carrell did a great impersonation of him…basically the only good part in the whole thing!))
I suppose I should be flattered because if there weren’t gay dudes out there knocking up hot ladies there would never be a Liza Minnelli…I guess I’m Judy Garland in this situation. She was in love with Clark Gable, sang him an awesome song, then married a string of gay men….I guess I just need to write my song to some hot, older, salt and pepper dude to really get this ball rolling!
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One Response to “Circle Gets My Sqaure”

  1. MAYBELLINE August 23, 2010 at 1:13 PM #

    >KIDS!

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