One Lip

11 Apr

So…I had to deal with the match making manager at work. She asked if I called BJ and I, polity, told her that I felt uncomfortable because BJ is always at work—blah, blah blah. “Well, you are stupid, ” she responded. Fine, if that stops this nonsense, then I’m stupid.

Almost everyone at work knew about this failed match and one of bartenders talked to me about it. I told her I thought BJ was gay. She said, “Oh no, he only seems gay because he has one nut.” So…they’re mutually exclusive?  I mentioned it to the other bartender and commented that I didn’t think having one testicle automatically made you seem light in your loafers. He said, “You know who else was NOT gay and had one nut?”  We both said, “HITLER.”  And I cracked up because something like this would happen to me.

Sure, Hitler having one nut is hilarious by itself but there’s a personal story behind it. Thanksgiving of 2008, a few family members & I were playing Trivial Pursuit after dinner. A question about Hitler came up and I said, “Hey, did you know he only had one nut?” My Grampa must not have had his hearing aides turned up because he responded, “One lip?!” My Mom and I were in tears from laughing so hard. We laughed so hard my Uncle told us “that was about enough of that”—which only made it worse and he got much more of that.

Every Christmas we draw something on the tablecloth and my Mom embroiders it. That Christmas was the last one we had with Grampa and the following year my Mom laid out the tablecloth and I was expecting to see something super sad. Instead this is what she drew to summarize the year:

"One lip! Well, that explains the mustache."~Grampa

Now you know why I thought it was even more funny! It also made me wonder…was the goose-step invented as a result of walking funny due to one nut? I might be on to something!!

Enjoy the 2005 version of  ‘Springtime for Hitler.’ FACT: The “Don’t be stupid be a smarty..” line is ALWAYS voiced by Mel Brooks. (Also, this version makes my Hitler wasn’t gay argument go right out the window, but that’s OK because it’s Mel Brooks!)

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3 Responses to “One Lip”

  1. MAYBELLINE April 11, 2011 at 9:53 PM #

    Did Adolph and Napoleon share one testicle or did they each have only one? Furthermore, who leaked that information? And even furthermore, who confirmed that information? Still one more furthermore, why did they only have one? Bizarre goings on.

    • L April 12, 2011 at 10:05 AM #

      Hitler is rumored to have lost one because he got kicked in his nads by a goat. Napoleon…I don’t know but I DO know that his wang is in a box in New Jersey. The British doctor who preformed his autopsy hated him and cut it off. Gross.

  2. Suzanne Blender April 17, 2011 at 9:24 PM #

    Ummm. . .I know someone with three nuts. Well, not really; two became three. Are you getting that one???

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