Thanks for Pooping on My Lap

11 May

Licorice 5/5/1991-5/10/2011

So…cat heaven is a little more sassy tonight. My cat Licorice was peacefully put to sleep, she was TWENTY years old & an outside cat her entire life, pretty impressive!

Wow, what a downer? How can I make this funny, you ask? I will tell you the best Licorice tale ever told! It is also my best friend’s first memory of me, clearly, it made quite the impression at 5 years old.

Mrs. Richards, who sounded like she smoked a million packs of cigarettes a day & probably taught Ben Franklin, was my first grade teacher. She allowed me to bring my new cat, Licorice, in for Show & Tell. I was wearing a snazzy denim dress with a big bow on the shoulder…jealous?

My Mom brought her in and Licorice sat with me as I talked to the entire class about her.

Then she took a dump on my lap.

Instead of getting embarrassed I helped my Mom clean it up when a classmate of mine said, “UGH, it smells horrible.” To which my Mom replied, “Oh yeah, yours doesn’t smell like roses!” Way to put a 5 year old in his place, Mom!

Thank you Licorice, you are the reason I don’t ever get nervous in front of large crowds. See you when I’m dead!

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6 Responses to “Thanks for Pooping on My Lap”

  1. MAYBELLINE May 11, 2011 at 5:36 AM #

    “My Mom brought her in and she sat with me as I talked to the entire class about her.

    Then she took a dump on my lap.”

    Kinda sounds like your mom took a dump in your lap. And the story continues to give funny mental images.

    • L May 11, 2011 at 5:38 AM #

      RIGHT when you left that comment I was editing that very
      sentence. No, my Mom hasn’t duced on my lap…yet.

      • MAYBELLINE May 11, 2011 at 6:38 AM #

        Ahh. Something to look forward to.

  2. Suzanne Blender May 10, 2011 at 10:50 PM #

    God! I wish a cat or even a person would have shat in my lap when I was younger if it meant being able to talk in front of crowds without wanting to vomit!! On a more appropriate note: So sorry to hear about Licorice! She sounded like an awesome cat.

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