Hold On

14 May

No more texting in movie theaters EVER!!!!

So…I want to preface this post by saying that I’m not an uptight prude, I’m just not a raging slut. There is a middle ground.

While waiting to get my car’s SMOG check done by complete numb nuts, I went to see ‘Bridesmaids.’ It was written by a woman and was supposed to be this fantastic women’s comedy. I was hoping for something inspiring after a term of listening to slutty chicks in my class write movies opening with people having sex. So, how does this movie open? COME ON! Seriously? BLERGH!

I don’t get it, why do I want to go to the movies to watch crappy soft core porn when I could watch hardcore for free at home?  I’d rather watch a well crafted story then see some weird, wrinkly middle aged actress’ titties. Bleck!

Since it started out like that, it took me a LONG time to care what happened to the main character. Kristen Wiig was the lead AND wrote the movie…maybe she should have written herself a better part? She plays an aging looser, who needs to eat a sandwich and has sex with a guy who treats her like dog crap and then gets sad every time she goes back to him. She doesn’t even care about herself, why should I?

On that note: I don’t understand all the women who are walking orifices and get upset/suicidal when the guy(s) don’t romance them. Boo hoo. Whores don’t get romance. If you’re going to act like a whore, at least be smart like them and get paid…or is being smart anti-feminist? But, I digress.

This “woman’s” movie should have been more for women, not women who have penis envy or jacked up daddy issues. I think talking about balls in your face is epically annoying and NO woman “craves” that, well, maybe  Tasha, my crazy ex-roommate, but she was legitimately a nut job (pun intended.)

In addition to this, some r-tard in the row ahead of me was texting during the movie. After 4 blissful movie watching days at TCMFF 2011, I wasn’t used to seeing movies with “normals.” I jammed my legs into the back of the seat next to her’s and let out a, “You’ve got to be KIDDING me.” I was about ready to go Mommie Dearest on this chick! After the movie was over, I stood up and announced I would have enjoyed it more “if that rude twat in front of me hadn’t been texting the whole time.” Choke yourself lady.

The movie did have a few funny characters and some good lines but the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips, used in the movie, was a nice touch. It’s pretty much how I’m feeling about my Beast of Burden. Until I break free and sell a script about a  NON slutty chick, I’ll have to hold on for one more day.

Treat your ears to some fine 1990s tunes.

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5 Responses to “Hold On”

  1. MAYBELLINE May 14, 2011 at 10:30 AM #

    Well said.
    Don’t give it away ladies. You have some serious power. THAT’s feminine feminism.

  2. kittypackard May 15, 2011 at 6:05 PM #

    LOVE this post. Feminism killed the power of being female. I’m sorry if that’s not PC but it’s effing true. I’m all for Sally Rae, but the most powerful women in the world were women like my mother: red pumps, aprons, nail polish… quietly ruling the world by carefully brainwashing their husbands that they were.

    You don’t have to agree, it just happens to be my POV.

    Oh, and your roommie? Wow. I thought that I’D had some really lulu’s in my life. Yours takes the cake.

  3. kittypackard May 15, 2011 at 6:05 PM #

    LOVE this post. Feminism killed the power of being female. I’m sorry if that’s not PC but it’s effing true. I’m all for Sally Rae, but the most powerful women in the world were women like my mother: red pumps, aprons, nail polish… quietly ruling the world by carefully brainwashing their husbands that they were.

    You don’t have to agree, it just happens to be my POV.

    Oh, and your roommie? Wow. I thought that I’D had some real lulu’s in my life. Yours takes the cake.

  4. L May 16, 2011 at 2:44 AM #

    You are awesome Kitty & I don’t care if it’s not PC to think that way either…because it’s right!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] Handler, Heather is a huge fan. I like her show, but I read one of her books and thought she was a slut…and we all know how much I LOVES me some […]

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