I’d Like To Insult You, But You Wouldn’t Get It

18 Jul

So…today is my 100th post. Woohoo! And what is the topic for the 19th day of my blog challenge?

“What you would like to say to your ex.”

The first thing that came to mind when I thought about it was:

Then I thought about every insult from these clips:

To be honest, I’m annoyed that I have to write about this butt munch…again. I’ve never written about any of my boyfriends before this challenge because for the most part, they aren’t worth the effort it takes for my fingers to press the letters on the keyboard.

If I wanted to be positive, I could say, “Thank you for showing me what I do NOT want.”

But that’s no fun.

Being a little more realistic, I might say, “You are the most boring person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Your breath smells worse than what leaks out of a dog’s anal gland. I’m not smart enough for you? Really, because I graduated and unlike you, it was on time! Also, the book ‘Idiot’s Guide to Being a Girlfriend’ is an unacceptable gift…idiot! I am so glad I will never again have to see the she-beast you call mother. Only someone as stupid,close minded and hygienically challenged as her could produce someone like you.”

I won’t even go to the negative. Although my Dad would appreciate the artistic and thoughtfully formed curse word hybrids I would create during my rant, my Mom also reads this blog and I don’t need a phone call at 7 AM.


6 Responses to “I’d Like To Insult You, But You Wouldn’t Get It”

  1. Jas July 18, 2011 at 4:12 AM #

    You can’t see it right now, but I’m dancing like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD3yVwC0fjg because I just found another funny lady writer.

    I think your rant is awesome. Biting. To the bone! I only wish he could hear it, but that would entail communication and that’s just bad news bears.

    • L July 18, 2011 at 4:28 AM #

      I’m just glad someone other than my Mom is reading this!! YEAH!

  2. MAYBELLINE July 18, 2011 at 8:13 AM #

    I love the Sparky dance. I want one.
    Who knew that snails could emerge from bird poop? The things I learn here.

  3. Suzanne Blender July 18, 2011 at 9:35 AM #

    Hahaha! If I were her, I would have called you anyway at 7am. . .just because!!!

    • MAYBELLINE July 18, 2011 at 9:06 PM #

      THAT would be a complete waste of time because Tootsie doesn’t usually answer her phone and if she does by accident it’s a completely incomprehensible accident.

      • L July 19, 2011 at 5:03 AM #


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