Simply Irresistible

1 Aug

Simply Irresistible: Frosting...I'm in love.

So…I’m supposed to write about my dream wedding today. Wow, what a great use of my time— especially since I’m no where near that milestone, nor am I even dating anyone! I’m like poison to straight guys.

I need a Henry Higgins to come in and make me over. Not physically, more in mannerisms. I just don’t have it in me to laugh at a guy who isn’t funny or act like an idiotic, vapid slutty chick. What’s the dumb girl equivalent of “the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain?”  It probably goes something like this, “Wait…Whaaaaaat?” I guess I’ll have to turn Mr. Bojangles into a man…but I’m sure he’ll end up being gay. Damn it.

Back to this stupid topic, most girls think about their wedding when they’re little kids and then they turn into women who obsess about it to the point of insanity. I wasn’t that kid, therefore my list of wants is very small.

  • A huge cake with globs and globs of frosting. If I ever meet a straight man who wants to marry me and you are invited to this event, here are the rules; If you get a piece of cake, eat the whole thing. If you get a piece and don’t finish it, I will make you leave for being a wasteful pig. I could have eaten that piece later, you jerk.
  • Good photos. I love fun pictures so that is a must.
  • Oh yeah, and marrying someone who’s actually a descent human being and not a royal douche-b.

End of list.

I don’t need to act like a princess or get into a crazy amount of debt for one day. That’s just stupid.

If I get to a certain age and I’m not married…I’m buying a gigantic cake and eating it myself.  None of you will be invited, but it will be an event full of love, please believe that.

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to “Simply Irresistible”

  1. Suzanne Blender August 1, 2011 at 10:58 PM #

    Would you be offended if I scraped off the frosting, gave it all to you, and then just ate the cake? We’d both be getting what we wanted that way, yes? Oh. . .that is if I’m even invited!!

    • MAYBELLINE August 2, 2011 at 7:36 AM #

      Scrape off frosting?!

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