Smooth, Like A Sailboat

31 Aug

Hello Gorgeous.

So…I went to see ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ today. Roger had been telling me I needed to see it because I need to channel Ryan Gosling’s character: smooth & charming.  He meant that in a nice way…I’m far too blunt and buddy-buddy with guys, which, funnily enough, is not hot.

The movie was fantastic and I want to see it again, Heather.

Smooth and charming I am not. Before I go somewhere where there’s an inkling of a chance that I could meet a young man, my Grandma tells me to be “smooth, like a sailboat.”

I am a tugboat.

No matter how many times I see that movie or try to follow Grandma’s sage wisdom, I will always be Emma Stone: funny &  lovably dorky.

The movie is the definition of  fantasy: the funny chick ends up with a suave, slicky boy like Ryan. (Oh sorry, should I have said spoiler alert?)

Never gonna happen!

I’ve had a problem with that sort of plot since ‘Funny Girl.’ It gave me false hope as a teen. Really, someone goofy and funny like Babs is going to have someone as smooth as Omar Sharif chase after them? Not.


On the realistic side, the way they had Emma react to Ryan’s perfect body is exactly how I would.

(I’m referencing 2:20.)

There is a reason I like older, hairy, beefy dudes…they aren’t perfect and they KNOW it.  Therefore they can’t comment on any of my physical flaws. They’re WAY less intimidating than….

This guy….I would dress like an Amish woman around him for fear of showing my pale, non-muscular body! In real life, this guy would go for the plastic perfect bimbo, get married, have kids, get divorced, then realize a funny girl like me is a catch after they’ve let them self go and can’t get hot skanks anymore.

Now that I think about it,thank God for the movies. Sometimes the fake version is a fun escape.


4 Responses to “Smooth, Like A Sailboat”

  1. BabyCakes August 31, 2011 at 2:02 AM #

    Actually, he was photoshopped!! Well, not exactly… they taped ping pong balls to his stomach while filming that scene, and then added in the abs later with a computer. Ahh, the magic of technology, haha!

    • L August 31, 2011 at 2:26 AM #

      HAHAHAHA! Holy crap, that is hilarious!!

  2. MAYBELLINE August 31, 2011 at 8:10 AM #

    Continue your tugboat ways. Grandma may think she is/was a sailboat — debateable. Very debatable. Furthermore, her track record with men is nothing to aspire to. Carry on. Toot toot!

  3. Suzanne Blender August 31, 2011 at 5:53 PM #

    Ummm. . .I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but older, hairy, beefy dudes want “perfect” chicks, too. And usually, the older the guy, the more money he has which entitles him (in his ridiculous mind!) to a hot chick. So, I think instead of scouting out old, hairy and chubby guys, you need to look for nice guys with more depth to them, no matter their age.

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