Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal

16 Dec

Trainer and Trainee: 7 years later

So…I’ll take a break from my justified bitterness and post about something cheerful; only because there was epic amounts of booze involved.

I went to the Cast Member Party this week. I hadn’t been in a few years, mostly because I can’t stand strollers and…who am I kidding? It’s really because I can’t stand people in general!

Roger had been at the park all day…with a child (!!!), so we met up at Trader Sam’s for a MUCH needed drink(s) before entering all that “magic.”


Our drink was amazing for a few reasons; it was on fire and it was gigantic. It’s a good thing we had one of these because the party isn’t just for park employees, it’s now for people from the studios in Burbank.  The whole purpose of the party is for employees to enjoy the park without the crowds.  Well, that idea was completely shot to sh*t!

Disgruntled Roger

As we entered the marshmallow world, Roger saw a lot of couples and made him miss coming to the park with his boyfriend. Funny, I don’t miss going to the park with my gay boyfriend!

The Laughin' Place

One good thing about it being freezing cold was that Splash Mountain had no wait. I mean, we were the ONLY people on the ride, which never happens!

We bypassed New Orleans Square because there were still too many people out for me to tolerate and headed to Fantasyland, which was actually pleasant to be in…for once!

The semester's over Rog, give it break!

After riding Snow White for the millionth time, I came to a conclusion. That ride is a horrible and confusing attraction for children. A crazy old witch keeps popping out at you, then the dwarfs murder her and finally, happy ending, get the hell off the ride… WHAT?!

See Mom, I'm eating healthy!

The Carousel was empty as well, basically everyone was on Haunted Mansion Holiday. Yawn, Roger and I used to work that, no big whoop!

Hello peasants!

This is an adorable photo, I don't care what you say Roger!

Over at Dumbo they now hand out wooden crow’s feathers to hold so the cast members know how many people are going to be riding. The Joan Crawford in me came out, that is disgusting. I know they don’t wipe those things off and babies with booger hands have been touching them all day long. Yuck!

Roger was the one in charge of flying, I don't know why he was so scared!

I also have issues with the submarine ride. If this was 1968, the seating would be perfect on that ride. NOW, when everyone is a complete fat ass…one of those subs is going to sink. I also don’t appreciate the chub over floating onto me from the guy on my right. Ew.

Speaking of chub, we hit the corn dog stand. That place is more fine dining than where I work and the quality of food is more consistent too!

If that sign knew anything, it would know the only thing worth celebrating are the corndogs.

How do they expect me to eat this?

As much as I love the corn dog cart, I don’t love the pervy guy that was watching me through the shrubbery as I attempted to eat it. You’re one sick bastard dude.

Finally we made it over to Pirates….to judge everyone. I don’t miss working there at all, but we both agreed that we could still load a boat better than the new people who now inhabit that ride.

The cast party is a nice (fake) gesture, even though the majority of us have to work every holiday because we work for a company that likes the public to think they care about families, when all they really care about is the moolah.


2 Responses to “Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animal”

  1. MAYBELLINE December 16, 2011 at 7:41 AM #

    1st of all, that apple is fake. You can’t fool me.
    2nd (I sound like Herman Cain.), Maybe that guy in the bushes was your Lucy Richardo his William Holden. – classic.

    I wonder if you realise how many wish they had the opportunity you and Roger enjoyed.

    Here’s the good news (more Herman Cain), it didn’t rain.

  2. Suz December 16, 2011 at 11:57 AM #

    I think you missed your gay boyfriend just a tiny bit?? Because now you have another photo of a guy displaying a “dog” before eating it.

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