Fascinating Mr. Q

17 Mar

That’s how we do it in Visalia, son.

So…I finally got a Friday night off. Did I go out and hit the clubs? Get wasted in Hollywood and lose my phone? Have some strange dude grind up on me?

What do you think I am, high or something? I’m way too cool for all that noise. I drove up to Visalia to see Colin Quinn’s one man show, ‘Long Story Short’…with my parents. And I wonder why I’m single. I’m sure that hanging out at venues where no one within a decade of my age is in attendance is probably the reason why I’ll end up with a 50+ year old guy…which, I’m sure, my mother will be just thrilled about!

It’s not just me that enjoys this show. My Dad quotes lines from it on the regular. My Mom, who’s not a fan of cussing (well, not a fan of me cussing, actually), now answers the phone (when she sees it’s me) with the greeting/quote , “If it isn’t that snitch ass bitch.” Ahh…parental bonding.

The show is all about world cultures and history. I work in a melting pot of cultures, actually it’s more like a gutter, so I totally relate to many of the stories that are told. Plus I love to tell people weird, historical facts. I’ve referenced his show before on my blog, I even posted a link to show on my last post. Too lazy to scroll down to see it? Fine. Here, watch it. I’ll wait.

I’ve never been to Visalia and had/still have no idea why Colin didn’t have his show in LA or even Bakersfield. (Shut up, just because it’s not LA, Bakersfield is bigger than Visalia.) It’s actually a really cute little town. Please understand that my parents never go out, so this was a big deal. My Dad made reservations at The Little Italy Cafe, because after serving Italian food all week, I just can’t get enough! It’s actually a really good place, a million times better than the crap I hock to tourists every night, so I would totally go back…if I ever had another reason to be in Visalia.

Being the youngest person at an event is nothing new to me. Next month is the TCM Film Festival where I will be the youngest person (by 40 years) around for miles! Since I was with a more mature crowd, I  thought they would all have their theater etiquette down pat. WRONG.

Maybe the local Rite Aide was out of Flomax but about every 20 minutes, a man in the row behind me got up and down, pulling my hair each time…and not in the good way! Always so eloquent with words, my Dad said, “What’s this guy doing? Jerkin’ off in the bathroom?”

Former sluts traipsed in late, Bud Lites in hand, on their way to their front row seats. Sorry Wrinkles, you aren’t hot enough to be late anymore and lay off the beer, the Mom Jeans you bought at Kohl’s are lookin’ a little too snug.

Obviously the show was great. I knew what I was getting going in and there was even some new material thrown in. Sadly, it was the last live performance of the show. Thank God we went. My Mom knew from following Colin on Twitter that he comes out after the show for meet and greets. With the excitement of a teenage girl at a Justin Beiber concert, my Dad, DVD and Sharpie in hand, bounded up to the stage as soon as the show was over.

We finally found the meet and greet spot…in the hall next to the stage. There was one guy in front of us who was visibly nervous. So nervous that he was making me uncomfortable. And I don’t get uncomfortable around celebrities! Ugh, I don’t even like thinking about that weird dude. He reminded me of a shaky little Chiwawa. The security guard was having issues taking a photo of Shakes McGee, so my Mom asked if I wanted to take the photo for him. No. I take photos of stupid tourist all day at work, that’s the last thing I want to do on my night off.

After that poor sucker got a photo, my Dad bulldozed over him to get the autograph he came for.

I know it’s past your bedtime, but don’t fall asleep yet Dad.

After hearing me talk to my Mom, Colin said, “Hey, you’re the one that was tweeting me today. You said you’d be here with your parents.” Amazed that someone other than my Mom read my writing, I confirmed his statement and got a nice hug. (He smells good, in case anyone cares.) He kept a good squeeze on me so my Mom could take some more photos.

It felt like Prom night all over again. Some nice, funny guy, posing with me while my Mom, who can’t figure out the camera, takes horrible photos of us. See…

Prom 2012: This would have been a cute photo…if we had the rest of our heads.

Just like high school. Except this time my parents actually like the guy I’m posing with.

After we took up enough of his time, I stumbled across this fabulous display on our way back to the car.

Nothing says romance like a beer and shamrock themed wedding.

It was a great early birthday gift. If you’re ever in L.A. Colin, we should go out and talk about history. Clearly we have that and comedy in common, plus you’re in my ideal age bracket. Let’s make this happen.


4 Responses to “Fascinating Mr. Q”

  1. Maybelline March 17, 2012 at 3:53 PM #

    Fascinating, Ms. L. Fascinating.


  1. How Low Can You Go? « - March 19, 2012

    […] be too shocking that I agree 100% with this comment. While visiting my parents last week for our Colin Quinn adventure, my Dad, a teacher, told me that the high school district he works for wants to lower the […]

  2. Such Is Life « - May 6, 2012

    […] the family’s restaurant. The waitress knows my parents and overhead us talking about seeing Colin Quinn last […]

  3. Tough Crowd « - June 13, 2012

    […] was jazzed to see Colin Quinn again. Kim hadn’t seen him before and I told her his stuff  was similar to the kooky topics I talk […]

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