The Biz

2 Apr

So…Roger and I have been playing the board game ‘Scene It: TCM’ in preparation for the TCM Film Festival. They announced there will be a trivia competition and I need to dominate all those old timers I’ll be playing against! I have a major beef with the Scene It game. If you roll a particular side of the die you have to pull a “Biz” card.

Screw those.

Biz cards are, 99% of the time, going to kick you in the face when you’re on a roll. They are based on movie plots and tell you to move ahead or, lose a turn, or (more likely) move back. Example: You’re a wheel chair bound ex-celebrity who’s sister tries to feed you dead rats. It could be worse, they could be alive. Move one space ahead. – What Ever Happened To Baby Jane

Here are a few of my ideas for Biz cards, except mine are based on Old Hollywood Scandals.

Vincent Minnelli and Judy Garland

  • Congratulations! You just got married…to Vincent Minnelli. Move two spaces back for your horrible lack of gaydar.
Poor Judy, not only was her father a closeted gay man but she married MGM director, Vincent Minnelli, another closet case. They had one child, Liza, who went on to become a superstar in the gay world with horrible gaydar of her own since she  married human freak show, David Gest.

Louella Parsons

  • You saw William Randolph Hearst put a bullet into Thomas Ince’s skull. He gives you a lifetime contract to keep you quiet. Move ahead two spaces for not snitching on your boss.
Louella Parsons was a wannabe Hollywood gossip columnist when she was invited to Thomas Ince’s birthday party, thrown by Davies & Hearst, on a fancy yacht. After Ince’s murder, Hearst offered Parsons a LIFETIME contract with his papers to keep her mouth shut.

Paul Bern napping.

  • Honey, I’m home. You come home to find your new husband has blown his brains out. You call the big boys at MGM to clean up the scene before calling the cops. Move 3 spaces ahead for looking out for your career.
Four months after her wedding to Paul Bern, Jean Harlow came home to find her husband killed himself. Or did he? There are two different scenarios that the studio tried to cover up. One, Bern was murdered by his abandoned (common law wife) Dorothy Millette, who then committed suicide by drowning, jumping overboard from the  Delta King on the way to Sacramento, CA. Two, he committed suicide due to impotence. If you’re married to the hottest bombshell in the land and you can’t get it up, that’s embarrassing. Jean called her bosses at MGM who came in and cleaned up the scene. The cops were called TWO HOURS later. The studio decided not to let out the knowledge of his ex and have the death be announced as a suicide because , ” it would be better for Jean Harlow’s career that she not appear as a woman who couldn’t hold a husband.”

  • You risked your career and wrote the a movie based on the most powerful newspaper man in the world, Hearst, but Orson Welles tries to steal the credit. Lose one turn while you wait for the Screen Writers Guild to decide who should get credit.
Herman Mankiewicz was a part of the Hearst inner circle. He became friends with Orson Welles and they made ‘Citizen Kane’ together. Welles told Louella Parsons that he wrote the film. That pissed off Mankiewicz, it would piss off anyone in that position actually, and he went to the Screen Writers Guild in protest. Welles said he planned on a joint credit the whole time. Mankiewicz claimed that Welles offered him ten thousand dollars if he would let Welles take full credit. The Guild said Mankiewicz’s name would go first but there would be a joint credit.
Hopefully not everyone knew about all those scandals. I also hope I stop pulling crappy Biz cards while I brush up on trivia.
Oh, and yes, I won the game.
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5 Responses to “The Biz”

  1. Maybelline April 2, 2012 at 3:55 PM #

    Judy, Judy, Judy seemed to have “daddy issues” that didn’t stop with her.
    Good to learn that Louella was no snitch ass b!tch.
    Was Bern naked when he did himself in? Crikey. Maybe Nelson Riddle or Tony Bennett had something to do with it.
    Why did Welles tell Louella that junk? Maybe she WAS a snitch ass b!tch.

    Keep practicing/playing. Your zest for trivia should take you to the championship round.

  2. Suzanne Blender April 2, 2012 at 8:17 PM #

    I just learned so much stuff. . .wow!

  3. Bruce Allen April 3, 2012 at 9:34 AM #

    Anything on Carole Landis? Her story is heartbreaking. I’ve hated Rex Harrison for years because of how he treated her.

    • Lauren Semar April 3, 2012 at 12:02 PM #

      I’ll take requests! I’ll write about this juicy story soon, thanks for the idea!

  4. MANON KUBLER BY MANON KUBLER April 21, 2012 at 3:17 PM #

    Reblogged this on PORTAFOLIO. BITACORA DE UN TRANSFUGA. 2000.2010 and commented:
    Add your thoughts here… (optional)

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