Food Babies

12 Jun

Jacques Torres, just another stop on Tour de Fat.

So…after our whirlwind first day, we got up at a decent hour and went out for brunch. I have never had brunch. There are two good reasons  for that; I hate waking up early and my Mom makes better pancakes than restaurants. Since I was on vacation and trying new things, why not brunch? We walked up to this place called Good Enough To Eat. Along the way we passed the Beacon Theater where they were setting up for the Tonys.

Beacon Theater.

Then we heard a loud rumble. Apparently there was a Jewish parade going on that morning and, believe it or not, I saw a HUGE group of Jewish bikers. I thought it was hilarious!

Jewish Hell’s Angels.

When we got to the brunch place, the line was ridiculous! I was not pleased about what I had gotten myself into. Let me just say that if you are sitting on a small restaurant patio eating brunch and you are finished eating and just sitting there…the entire line of people who are waiting to eat  HATE you and are about 5 seconds from killing you.

The place was funny to me because it was city people decorating how they think country folk decorate. So, lots of quilts and wooden cows. Our waiter was from Ireland. This restaurant was all over the place! Thank God the food was good!

Brunch: Potato/egg scramble thing, biscuits and gravy, bacon waffles and strawberry butter, french toast, and an omelet.

After brunch. Ughhhh.

Pregnant with food babies, we walked down the street and came across a bunch of kids at a lemonade stand. They were wheeling and dealing, two lemonades and you get a free cookie, one lemonade and one cookie for a dollar. These kids were just trying to make a buck!

Lemonade stand prices have gone up since I was a kid. A dollar! What happened to 25 cents?

After eating our weight in breakfast foods, the next logical thing to do would be to go shopping, right? We went down to the GIGANTIC Macy’s on 34th Street. I never knew I needed that much Macy’s but apparently, me and the world, does.

Oh yes, rain. AGAIN!

As soon as we got there, it started to down pour. We went in, got our discount coupon for being out of state visitors (AWESOME!) and I went to look for actual shoes. After a day of walking all around the city in flats, I couldn’t hang anymore.

Wooden escalators at Macy’s and the shoes I wore for 30 minutes.

We went to the men’s shoe floor and looked for shoes for Johnny…that is the 7th circle of Hell. All the employees on that floor hate themselves and everyone else. It was horrible. I got some slip on tennis shoes in the Junior department, which helped me walk across the street to the Sketcher store to buy some actual sneakers.

Heaven in shoe form.

I NEVER wear sneakers. When I was 15 &16, I walked all over Paris and the UK in flip flops. Guess who’s getting old? Frick! That said, I love Sketcher’s Go Walk shoes. They saved my life on this trip!

We went back and took a rest before continuing on ‘Lauren and Kim’s How To Become Obese in Two Days or Less’ food tour of New York. We ended up going to Angelo’s of Mulberry Street in Little Italy. Honestly, I’m amazed we made it because our cabbie almost killed us twice on the way there. They’re freakin’ nutty drivers there.

Kim and I in Little Italy. Check out my nice outfit and sneakers…what a tourist!

As soon as we got to Angelo’s, the waiter, who was like an Italian Curly from the Three Stooges, told Johnny to sit in his section. Clearly, they knew each other. Our waiter’s name was Jimmy…not very Italian. I mean, when my Scottish Granny can’t remember most guy’s names, so she refers to them as Jimmy.

Jimbo brought us out a starter that he put together for us. That was the best tomato I have ever eaten.

Best Antipasto EVER!

I ordered angel hair pasta with arrabiata sauce and sausage. Holy God. I could die happy if that was my last meal. The pasta melted in my mouth because it was fresh made. SO good. Johnny had veal and fettuccine alfredo, which was like buttah! Kim had some kind of seafood medley pasta dish…I’m sure it was good but I don’t eat fish, so I’ll take her word on it!

Me, Johnny and Kim…not yet uncomfortably full.

As we sat outside, enjoying our meal, this impromptu parade for St. Anthony rolled down the street. There was a band behind the people carrying the statue, playing some Godfather-esque music. I felt like I was on a studio backlot watching a movie be shot. Best dinning experience ever. Jimmy, was crackin’ jokes with us and talking to people in Italian. He was great!

Jimmy, me, Johnny and Kim.

Yes, we were full, but of course we had to have dessert! Cannolis and cappuccinos…except for Kim, who had another glass of wine. And why not, we were on vacation!

Kim, enjoying her wine…a lot.

Enjoying more dairy. I regret nothing.

As soon as Johnny went to the bathroom, a really old Italian guy who worked at Angelo’s came over to me and said, Molto Bella!” Old guys always like me, what can I say? At a table caddy corner from us sat a guy, sipping on a coffee, all alone. He asked us where we were from. He said all the guys were guessing and he thought we were from Chicago. (Nice ice breaker dude.) He was very chatty and when Johnny came back,  told us  that normally he would give his number to one of us girls, but out of respect to Johnny, he gave his information to him. Wow…that would never happen in California. Never.

Johnny is half dead in the back of the cab after the food orgy at Angelo’s.

We went back home to get our first good amount of sleep after our epic day of eating. Angelo’s, best meal of the trip, hands down.


2 Responses to “Food Babies”

  1. Maybelline June 12, 2012 at 3:50 PM #

    Love Kim’s wine pic. THAT cracked me up. She looks silly happy.
    When you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet (with comfortable sneakers!).
    Consider throwing a shower the next time you are pregnant with food babies.


  1. Status Update | - March 4, 2013

    […] delete them? I did, but these dummies are everywhere. After a conversation (read: bitch fest) with Kim, I found that I was not the only one who can’t stand this crap. There are a few different […]

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