Status Update

4 Mar
If you think this is directed at is.

If you think this is directed at you…it is.

So…stupid ass Facebook updates. I’ve been wanting to write about this topic for a long time, but apparently I wasn’t annoyed enough to do so.  I know what you’re thinking, if someone’s annoying, why don’t you delete them? I did, but these dummies are everywhere. After a conversation (read: bitch fest) with Kim, I found that I was not the only one who can’t stand this crap. There are a few different kinds of status updates that are especially annoying.

dunt do that

Hash tags. Facebook is not Twitter. I feel like I’m playing a sick grammar game about being able to read things that aren’t properly written out. Hash tags are used to help people search for things. I HIGHLY doubt anyone is searching for #ilovehimhelovesme. Write it in your diary. #Choke yourself.


Attention seekers. Yes, I understand, most people want attention, but I’m talking about a certain sort of attention.  People who complain about being sick, do you realize that is exactly what you’ll be bitching about when you’re 80? Call your Nanna and ask her how she’s doing…it will sound exactly the same as your latest update. Hip and cool, huh? Asking for hugs and telling people you feel overwhelmed or sad makes me want to smash your computer…call your Mom or get a pound puppy. Better yet, get a damn therapist because at least someone will get paid to listen to you…whiner.

f u

People who are constantly stating how amazing their life is. No, I’m not jealous. Of what? Your vacation? (That you loser husband let your Dad pay for.) Your (second) marriage?  Honestly, I think these people are convincing themselves that they are actually happy…or they’re assholes. If that is the case, I can’t wait for you to break-up/get divorced (again).  My black heart will enjoy every minute of it and so will everyone else, I’m just the only one ballsy enough to tell you.  And stop using phrases like: the hubs, the fam bam and the bestie. No one likes that.


What about me, aren’t I annoying? I’m a single chick in her late 20’s on the verge of becoming a cat lady, what do you think, genius? Of course I am. Unlike everyone else, I at least try to make my eccentricities entertaining to the world instead of making them want to scratch their eyeballs out after they’ve read whatever it is I wrote about. Plus, going to this blog takes a smidgen of effort, you don’t have to come here if you don’t want to. Seriously.

Do what you want, but entertain me.


7 Responses to “Status Update”

  1. Suzanne Blender March 4, 2013 at 10:21 PM #

    Hahaha!! All SO true! My brother took himself off of Fbook a few weeks ago because he was so sick and disgusted with all the ridiculous posts. John and I talk about shutting ours down all the time, too!

    The hashtaggers are a BIG pet peeve of mine, too! So damn dumb, those people.

  2. auntiea March 5, 2013 at 8:30 AM #

    I liked people better when they kept their business to themselves. The world is full of whiners and I’m tired if dealing with them.

  3. Bruce Allen March 5, 2013 at 9:29 AM #

    An acquaintance of mine (I knew her husband 20 years ago) posted something about one of her kids achievements, and then a couple hours later posted threatening to quit Facebook because everyone else’s posts get liked and no one likes her posts about her kids. I was temped to unfriend immediately, but she also posts stuff like “Depression 😦 ” and I didn’t want my unfriending to immediately send her in a downward spiral so I just chose to hide all her posts. It’s a win-win.

    • Lauren Semar March 5, 2013 at 1:25 PM #

      Well Bruce, you’re nicer than I am. I think if they get to spout off whatever they want to say, I should be ale to do the same. I’m sure I’ll be told what a bitch I am for doing it, but I’m sick of being PC. I pay my taxes, it’s my American right to say what I want, so I’m going to start calling people out for being dumb asses.

  4. Duane Waite March 5, 2013 at 8:09 PM #

    There are as many types of obnoxious fb posts as there are people who post them. My favorite (or anti-favorite, because I’ve had to block most of my relatives) is when *I* post something worthwhile, and someone uses it as an opportunity to soapbox their idiotic political/social opinions. To this date, I have no idea what the vast majority of my relatives are doing on facebook, and I don’t really care.

  5. silverscreenings March 6, 2013 at 7:17 PM #

    Just taking time out of my ultra-fabulous #busylife to comment on this post.
    Hee hee! Couldn’t resist.

    I’m convinced that a lot of folks on Facebook have huge issues in life, but if they write something glorious about themselves then it becomes true.

    I’m a big fan of blocking people from my newsfeed. Can be awkward, though, when you run into them in “real” life.

  6. peter berman March 6, 2013 at 8:36 PM #

    I have a golden rule on my newsfeed. If people clog up my site with minute details of their cat’s tumors, or if they have nothing really interesting to say, then delete, delete, delete….. But you, Lauren, will always be read, that is, until you surrender and do become a cat lady.

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