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America, Brought To You By Hot Pockets

11 Feb
Official Uniform of the United State Congress
So…The Supreme Court recently shot down a ban that aimed to keep corporations from funding politicians. This was done because the corporations weren’t getting the freedom of speech they are entitled to. (Forgive me if I don’t have the correct amount of sympathy for these multimillionaires.)
Stephen Colbert CALLED IT two years ago when he ran for President and was sponsored by Doritos. Having the Senator of New Jersey be brought to me by Ed Hardy would be hilarious(and super douchey!), we already know Illinois has been brought to us by the Mob for years. Sadly, this can not all be one fabulous SNL skit, it actually is a bad idea.
The problem for me comes with the the BIG  BAD corporations, like, oil companies, fast food, and medical/insurance corporations.
1: I want my flying car!!!!!!
Seriously, it’s 2010. I was PROMISED this by pop culture as long as I’ve been alive. I was born in 1985, THE pinnacle year for flying cars…Back To The Future, this is some serious sh!t Marty! I blame the oil companies. They screwed the trolley system over in LA, they’re screwing me out of my flying car, I hate them. Now with this wonderful new ruling I’ll never get my super sick Jetson car, I’ll have to keep pumping dead dinos into my car forever. Sorry Dino.
2. Un-Happy Meal
Do NOT get me wrong, I enjoy me some french fries. But, it is cheaper to buy a hamburger ($1) than it is to make a salad at home($7-$25)THAT IS CRAZY!!!!! You are setting poor people up for massive failure and aneurysms. Is it a conspiracy between fast food and the insurance companies? Maybe. We are never going to be any healthier if good food doesn’t go down in price so everyone can buy it. But since the Colonel has more money to push his weight around in Congress (pun intended) than Ol’ Farmer McGregor, we’re probably going to stay super fat. Thanks Ronald, your Happy Meal toys always sucked by the way!
3. Don’t mind my cough, here’s your dinner sir.
Alright, I’m a college graduate with a job and NO benefits. Livin’ the American Dream baby! Health insurance is too expensive for me to buy because I’m not a hypochondriac so I won’t use it enough to have the cost make sense to me. The last time I went to the doctor was 2 years ago. I’m sure I should have gone last year when I had a really bad cough, but I just let it play out over the next 4 months until it just went away, cheaper that way. Paying out of pocket for one visit is insane so if I ever have something bad happen to me I get to go to the Clinico Medico. That thought alone makes me want to sit on a knife! With these new sponsors I’m not going to have health care for a while so I guess I’d better learn to say, “It hurts here” en espanol because this is America and I can’t go to English speaking doctor since heath insurance is so grossly over priced.
There are more sectors that will be negatively impacted but those are the ones that really upset me. It is a funny topic but clearly Washington is just blatantly grabbing cash and not doing what the people need…not that they weren’t doing that before, it’s just they are openly whoring themselves out. It’s like they moved to Nevada and went to work at the Bunny Ranch to “put themselves through college.” Stay classy America and remember to wear protection because you probably can’t afford insurance.
Ricky Bobby’s Prayer, Brought To You By Powerade.