Tag Archives: Arrested Development

I’ve Made A Huge Mistake

26 Jul

hmj

So…last year I quit serving and started assisting in a salon in Beverly Hills, all so I could have more time to write. Scroll down to my last blog post. It’s dated December 1st. That went well, didn’t it? Normally, my writing is the best when I’m annoyed with something. My assisting job took me way past annoyed, all the way to soul crushing shit fest. While serving, I said white women are among the worst people to serve. So what did I do? Start to work in the state’s capital of entitled, rude, and incredibly dumb, white women. And in a profession that is 99.9% women. Genius.

llhm

The clients were not as bad as “the ladies” I worked with . I understand if you are 18-22 and currently in a sorority and that’s all you’re about. Cool, fine. If you are in your mid to late 30’s and are constantly saying, “D G,” or “Zeta,”  look in the mirror. Hard. That 22 year old is gone and that bought and paid for sisterhood crap makes me want to puke. I never got a lunch and couldn’t go to the bathroom unless I asked permission. Power trip much? What I really adored  were the shitty comments about my weight. Really, a treat. So, between being miserable, poor and not writing, I finally ended that job. Struggling is not worth it sometimes. I’ve worked since I was fourteen and a half and to truly HATE a job, messed me up. Severing can be frustrating but in all the years I have been serving, I think I’ve cried twice because of it. Working with mean, mean girls turned me into a hot mess.

kill yourself jenna

I will never assist anywhere again. It’s basically indentured servitude, and I’m too old and don’t care enough about hair to do that again. So, while going for drinks at TCMFF this year, I literally ran into an old manager of mine. He asked what I was doing in a hour…it’s TCM, drinking. Duh. He told me to come down and meet his GM, so in between martinis I got a job. Serving at a touristy location (Hollywood and Highland) seemed like a perfect fit with my background. Great, I got hired… and then didn’t get trained for one and a half months.

potcat

Again, I was at a terrible job, I couldn’t handle the INCREDIBLY terrible tips and trashy clientele. This place was pretty much Chuck E. Cheese for adults. My first night there I had to get security to kick a guy, who was strung out on heroin, off one of my tables. Since I’m a white devil, I can’t say what I really think and KNOW to be true as a server, I will let this clip from Louie do it for me.

My co workers were nice, that’s the only good thing I can say about the place.

igoterrands

Now I’m back at an Italian joint. It’s much nicer than the last Italian restaurant I worked at. Why? There are NO HIGH CHAIRS. I thought I died and went to Heaven. The only nuisance I have are the overly medicated housewives who can’t remember what they ordered and want to fight about it. I guess being wealthy and not having to work can be really stressful for some people. I’d love to try it out and let you know but, that’s not in the cards yet. Now that I’m back in my comfort zone, I’ve started writing again and I’ve been out to see 3 different classic films this week alone.

I tried something new and it sucked a fat choad. Sure, I was mad for a little while, but I’m not married and don’t have any kids, so I have the freedom to try new things. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, everyone my age who has children and thinks they are superior.

That’s Entertainment

22 Jul

And he's the best boyfriend ever. I love him.

So…ready for another topic brought to you by the uncreative, bored teenage girl who came up with this Blog Challenge? Too bad, it’s happening. There’s only 6 more entries of these pre-thought up topics then back to the awesome things I enjoy writing about..cats and old people.

Today’s topic is all about my favorite TV shows and movies. I already have an entire page on this blog about that very topic, but if you’re too lazy to click on it, here are my top five for both categories.

Boob Tube

Lucy had to learn about the importance of sunscreen the hard way...just like me.

1. I Love Lucy(1951-1957)

I’ve been watching this show since before I can remember and it’s still funny. Everyone loves Lucy but Fred is the most hilarious of all the characters, hands down.

(This is really just a clip for my Mom’s enjoyment. So, enjoy, Mom.)

I'm straight up mentally ill.- Tracy Morgan

2. 30 Rock (2006- Forever, I hope)

Duh, of course I love 30 Rock. I feel like I talk about Liz Lemon’s creepy similarities to me enough already.

I can blow myself, Mother. - Buster Bluth

3. Arrested Development(2003-2006)

I hope I grow up and become Lucille Bluth. She is fabulous. Arrested Development is full of very dry humor but since there are only 3 seasons, I highly recommend watching it…it’ll only take you part of one weekend. Then you’ll re-watch it FOREVER!

I know I sure would. I'd be delicious.- Harry Carey

4. Saturday Night Live (1975-The End of the World)

I don’t know one person who doesn’t like SNL.  Some people might not love the current cast but they loved it at one point in time. I loved Gilda Radner, Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey and Mike Myers, Will Farrell, Chris Kattan, Cheri O’Teri, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Plus, it’s my initials backwards (SNL/LNS). I MUST love it.

5. The Essentials with Robert Osborne

Is this cheating? Who cares. It’s on TV so it counts. Most of the time, I’ve seen the movie they pick each week, I just want to hear Robert Osborne tell me awesome facts I never knew. I also love when he disagrees with Alec. For the record, Osborne is NEVER wrong. Especially when Alec thought Marlon Brando’s version of ‘ Mutiny on the Bounty’ was better than the Clark Gable version. Brando is SUCH an over rated actor, at least in Gable’s version you can understand the lines because he enunciates when he speaks!

Silver Screen

1.Gone With The Wind (1939)

Highest grossing movie ever(check for inflation, I’m correct!), 10 Oscars, great clothes and Gable is the leading man…best movie ever. (I’m also correct about that, don’t try getting into an argument with me about this movie…I will demolish you.)

“You think beautiful girls are going to stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they’re going to be out! Finished! Then it’ll be my turn!” —Fannie Brice

2. Funny Girl(1968)

Although this movie is supposed to be set in the 1910’s, it clearly looks 1960’s but I’m OK with it because the clothes and songs are so great.

"I said good day Dr. Bruster, I said good day sir!" - Dorothy Michaels

3. Tootsie (1981)

If you didn’t know I am obsessed with Tootsie by now, just click back one page on this blog. Surely I’ve referenced it recently.

"What's a re-run?"

4.  The Back to the Future Trilogy (1985/1989/1990)

I just talked about the future yesterday. I could watch these movies any time….maybe not the third one, I don’t really like westerns, but if it was on TV I’d watch it. I , stupidly, think everyone has seen these films but clearly some people’s parents hated them and never let them watch these cinematic masterpieces.

"Just how I like 'em, big and sassy!"- Bellboy

5. Some Like It Hot (1959)

Joe E. Brown and Jack Lemon should have been in more movies together because their scenes are all I really care about in this movie. Hilarious.