So….I mentioned to my boyfriend that it’s hard to find posts that are safe to write about because the topics I think would make excellent posts would most likely piss him and/or other people off. “Who cares, do it anyways,” he says. Cool, we’ll see how this horrible idea goes after I publish this.
Being in Los Angeles has made me hate dogs and dog owners. Don’t like that statement? Me neither, but you dogs owners made me that way, so…
And I don’t care. I’m a cat owner, cats don’t care if you like them..they’re not insecure like dogs/dog owners. That’s far too exhausting. Don’t like us, cool, we’ll stay at home, watch Golden Girls and eat Cheese Its. I used to like dogs. I had some fantastic ones as a kids and I still know a hand full of good dogs. If I know your dog and I’ve told you I like your dog, then I mean you, if not, your dog’s gross, get away from me.
One thing that really grosses me out is that everything is now a dog toilet. Park your car on the street, there’s a strip of grass before you get to the sidewalk. You have to walk through dog piss before you can go to your destination. And don’t tell me it’s water….we’re in a drought d-bag, that’s dog piss that I’m forced to trek through because everyone in an apartment thinks they should get a dog. Wrong. If you have a yard, get a dog. Dogs belong outside. “No, dogs are inside animals.” Wrong, again. The neighbor’s dog is constantly trying to break out of the studio apartment it’s in because it needs more room… to be a gross dog.
Cats are inside animals. Take a cat outside and see how that works out for you. I only take my cat outside when he has to go to the vet and that’s more than enough for both of us. Cats don’t really like the outdoor thing, because they are smart. They have food, water, your bed and your couch to sleep on…why leave? Outside is hell. I wish I never had to go out there, it smells like dog shit.
Unlike dog owners, I don’t force people to interact with my pet or me for that matter. Dog people need to take a step back. I don’t want your dog smelling my crotch when I’m just trying to walk to Barnes and Noble at the Grove. I know you think its cute, because you implore me to agree with you so I can get the hell away from you, but it’s not.
After that Cecil the Lion thing caused such an uproar (har-har) I got to thinking that pure bred dogs are more torture than popping off a lion. And EVERYONE seems to be ok with freaky, weird, pure breds. Don’t think purebreds are torture…let me inform you on how wrong you are.
Before/After…good job humans, sick bastards.
My boyfriend’s dog is an English Bulldog, they are basically the Frankensteins of the dog world. “Oh they’re so cute.” Shut the hell up right now, your dumb ass is probably thinking of the puppies. I still think they are gross looking but yeah, most puppies are ok. Flash forward to an adult dog. Bulldogs are prime candidates for a sleep apnea masks, they sound like an old man when they sleep because their face look like they were chasing a car that stopped suddenly. They also fart non stop….not cute little toots…again, like being with an old man who only eats cabbage soup and brussel sprouts. Yummers.They also don’t have tails so they leave little shit marks every time they sit down. A true delight. They also can not give birth naturally, they have to have a C-section because breeders have fucked them up so much. Let that sink in….
They can’t even give birth!! Nature is even saying STOP!
Think I’m being a biased asshole…I am, but I’m also not wrong. This is from a NY Times article about how people are over breeding bulldogs, “bulldogs are significantly more likely than other dogs to suffer from a wide range of health issues, including ear and eye problems, skin infections, respiratory issues, immunological and neurological problems and locomotor challenges. (Statistics released in 2010 by the Orthopedic Foundation for Animals revealed that bulldogs have the highest rate of hip dysplasia of any breed.)”
You sound like a real attractive breed of dog.
The bulldog I have to deal with has eye problems, her ear canals have hardened, she has trouble standing up, her skin is a mess, smells like hell, she gets UTIs all the time, had kidney stones and since April had explosive diarrhea to the point she was always in a diaper. She lost something like 20 pounds in less than 6 months. I know what you’re thinking ladies, where can I catch that disease?
If I were a smarter person, I would have shut the hell up and let that poor excuse for a pet die because, clearly, she was well on her way. But I’m not that smart. I piped up and the dog went to a new vet and she is “better.” She’s not wearing a diaper but still shits when she eats. Kill me now.
What I’m really trying to say is, stop getting purebreds, it’s not OK and…
“Cat’s rule. Dogs drool.” Homeward Bound. Never forget.
My favorite kind of dog…animated.